Monday, August 31, 2009

no comment...






found these buttons going through storage boxes.

la paix...



may peace prevail on earth and in me.

sunday...



just home from seeing a Liberty (wnba) game and they actually won!! it was fast and fun. next we see a us open (tennis) match... so just call ms. sporty.

have started selling some of the items from storage. it is rather exciting, one, because i could use a little extra cash and two, one less material object i own.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

google says...




happy birthday michael jackson. he would have been 51 years old today.

yet another goodbye...



yet another televised funeral... another goodbye... another well done.
this time in boston... for Edward Moore Kennedy.

tributes...



the many tributes to Ted Kennedy have been quite moving. i especially like the documentary produced by HBO where Senator Kennedy talks about himself in his own words. How fitting that he should be the narrator of his life... his ups and downs... triumphs and failures.

at the Democratic National Convention, August 12, 1980, Presidential candidate Edward Kennedy gave his concession speech to Jimmy Carter. In part he said, "For me, a few hours ago, this campaign came to an end. For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die."

for me, these words sum up his "passing".

may his missions be accomplished.

Friday, August 28, 2009

1000 buddhas


(Cave of the Thousand Buddhas, Cave No. 2 Ajanta Caves
Maharashtra, India)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

back to boxes...



hear a hungry juvenile hawk screeching outside. it is sunny and slightly cool so i need to...
well can you say it??! get back to my storage boxes!!! i'm looking for some items i know i packed but which boxes. yes, i sort of labeled them ...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

nostalgia


nostalgia |näˈstaljə; nə-|noun a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations : I was overcome with acute nostalgia for my days in college.the evocation of these feelings or tendencies, esp. in commercialized form : an evening of TV nostalgia.

DERIVATIVES nostalgist |-jist| noun ORIGIN late 18th cent. (in the sense [acute homesickness]): modern Latin (translating German Heimweh ‘homesickness’ ), from Greek nostos ‘return home’ +algos ‘pain.’

i'm finding treasures that i've held onto for a long time.

the shoes of a five month old baby boy (my godson) who turned 21 last week!

Edward M. Kennedy...


Edward M. Kennedy
(1932-2008)

Senator Edward Kennedy, the last surviving brother in a political dynasty and one of the most influential senators in US history died Tuesday night at his home in Cape Cod after a year-long strugge with brain cancer. he was 77.

may his missions be accomplished.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

post no bills...

am back to looking through storage boxes... moving things around and out of my possession.

post no bills is a slideshow of my photographs that i put together because a couple of years ago the once ubiquitous posters and announcements of upcoming performances, movies, etc. that were plastered around NYC seem to be disappearing. they were being replaced with Post No Bills stencils in various shapes and sizes. here's a glimpse of that changing urban landscape.
(music: "You Just Can't Stop" by Blue Six)

video

Monday, August 24, 2009

mulling over...



have been away for a couple of days but that didn't keep me from thinking about, mulling over, ruminating about, chewing on, puzzling over, considering, mediating on, deliberating, contemplating or pondering the next move on the chessboard of my life.

Friday, August 21, 2009

thinking...



thinking about the people "active" in my life right now... a young social worker that i met in Oklahoma, a woman who impressed me with her faith and belief in what is right; an old friend whose actions have reminded me once again, that we don't really "know" anyone and that for some people "right action" is truly relative. what is going through my mind is a pressing need to release the baggage of the past and step into NOW.

"everything for a reason" has been re-enforced yet again.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

reminder...



appropriation |əˌprōprēˈā sh ən| noun 1 the action of taking something for one's own use, typically without the owner's permission : the appropriation of parish funds.often derogatory the artistic practice or technique of reworking images from well-known paintings, photographs, etc., in one's own work.

appropriate
verb 1 the barons appropriated church lands seize, commandeer,expropriate, annex, arrogate, sequestrate, sequester,take over, hijack; 2 steal, take; informal swipe, nab, bag, pinch. 3 his images have been appropriated by advertisers plagiarize,copy; poach, steal, borrow; informal rip off. 4 we are appropriating funds for these expenses allocate, assign, allot, earmark, set aside, devote, apportion.

ORIGIN late Middle English: from late Latin appropriatio(n-), from appropriare ‘make one's own’

defining appropriate because it has come to my attention that many, even friends, take personal information from and/or about you and try to claim it as their own.

i want to thank my friend, andrea h, for reminding me that lessons are hidden everywhere. events that happen or things that are revealed, often serve as a "kick in the pants", a reminder that one must get on with their life's mission. in this case, my mission, writing a screenplay, a novel, whatever; just doing the work and creating...

carpe diem!!!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

designated...

hmm... saw this sign in washington, dc... wow a designated street fight area!? do you think the democrats and republicans meet here?


and they're ready for battle!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

still...



it's 90+ degrees today and i'm still going through the boxes from my storage. this process is intermittently entertaining and is obviously dredging up memories, some good, some bittersweet. i've been doing a great deal of head shaking too.

find myself saying, why did i keep this or that. am sure at some juncture the item meant a lot to me but REALLY sometimes i can't figure out what the heck the something WAS!! ha, ha.

oh well, back to the boxes.

Monday, August 17, 2009

passage of...



how often we exclaim "how time flies". well it's a little hard to believe that my godson, Pascal, is 21 years old today. i really do remember when he was born!! i named him, giving him a french name that i love and my last name as his middle name. what a wonderful young man he has become.

recently we were talking about his impending birthday. surprisingly he, too, expressed awe at the big numbers. "tia, it's a little freaky for me too. i can remember being 10 and now i'm almost 21."

Sunday, August 16, 2009

not a question of...



want to address a comment to yesterday's posting... it's not a question of gratitude. i KNOW that i live a blessed existence and i am grateful. i sing praises of gratitude daily. the posting was more a question of how much of these artifacts i want to hang onto and what i want to happen to them when i die.

i collect old photographs late 1800s to 1950s from flea markets, yard sales, etc. i have been allowed to go through photo albums bought or discarded from estates and choose the pictures i wanted, "because you have a good eye and are respectful towards the photographs". while i give the pictures new "life", i am saddened that the families (if there were any) didn't want or feel they needed the photographs. i am sometimes saddened that the album are deconstructed and the pictures sold one by one. it's as if a life is dismantled and dispersed.

in discussions with the photo vendors, find that they are often disturbed by the families' lack of interest in their photographic past. BUT it's commerce and they, the sellers, do what they need to do; which is make money. the dealers, too, are concerned about what will happen to their personal photographs, papers when they are "gone".

i find wonderful photographs BUT there is a bittersweet joy attached to my collecting.

i was raised by a "pack rat" and the historian, researcher and archivist in me has caused me to hang on to a lot of things for a LONG time. find that NOW is the time to go through my personal pictures and papers; to decide what's to be done with them.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

artifacts...



spent a portion of yesterday going through a couple of boxes that had been in storage. came across my baptismal certificate, transfer letter from first grade in san francisco to first grade in oklahoma. found my report cards from first through 12th grades. (i could have expended a little more effort, made better grades.)

looked at my junior and senior high school year books, old class photographs, trinkets from my childhood. came across a letter from my biological father to my 17 year old self trying to explain his "desertion" of my mother. read his promises "to be there for me", be a part of my sisters and my life. it has been a long time since i was 17 and i still haven't seen him.

read another letter from a man i phoned because i found our shared name in a city telephone directory; discovered he was my paternal uncle. i had called because i was researching my family tree for a senior class project. he remembered me as a five year old. this uncle welcomed me into the fold and tried to explain the absence of my father's folk in our lives.

what do i do with all these things, these artifacts of my life? should i keep them, weeding out all but the most important or scan, then destroy the originals?
what do i want to do with them?

Friday, August 14, 2009

yea...


reinstalled itunes... i'm back in business!!!!!!

efficiency...

in my effort to be efficient i downloaded the latest version of itunes and OF COURSE it doesn't recognize my ipod touch. so am spinning my wheels this morning trying to uninstall, reinstall and make itunes recognize my ipod. oy vey.

oklahoma visit still thrashing around in my head. more on that later. so offering photos to salve my disgust with my computer.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

here and now...



Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Looking deeply at life as it is.
In the very here and now,
the practitioner dwells
in stability and freedom.
We must be diligent today.
To wait until tomorrow is too late.
Death comes unexpectedly.
How can we bargain with it?
The sage calls a person who knows
how to dwell in mindfulness night and day,
'one who knows the better way to live alone.'
Bhaddekaratta Sutta

question... if we write about, puzzle over and/or make peace with our past are we pursuing the past or we just moving it into the present, dealing with it and moving on?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

dukkha...



i am still experiencing a profound inner silence. since my return, i have been thumbing through the emotions and reactions to oklahoma, my sister, aunt, cousin, my oldest friend. various people offered new details of my childhood which are augmenting my memories... providing other perspectives, rounding out the "story". feel as if i'm looking through a library card catalogue making additional notations, adding new cards. (have to smile at such a "low tech" comparison.)

the reality of suffering... dukkha

there are three kinds of suffering: ordinary suffering, suffering produced by change and suffering as conditioned states.

the principle cause of suffering is the attachment to "desire" or "craving". both desire to have (wanting) and desire not to have (aversion).

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

clouds...



i remember taking my first airplane flight at four years old and have loved flying ever since.

i enjoy clouds from all perspectives... looking at them from the ground and from a plane. i experience ABSOLUTE joy flying above, in and sandwiched between them.

silence...



there is absolute silence and stillness within me... is this called peace? have to process what happened in oklahoma. will say that aging is not always pleasant, pretty or graceful!!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

age...

no pictures today... i am in missouri and am seeing my aunt for the first time in four years. she doesn't remember who i am ... or she goes in and out of remembering who i am. demenia really is a thief of memory. makes me SO sad. amazing, though, what i am discovering from her memories that were hidden away.

this is truly an opportunity for me to practice forgiveness.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

hiatus...



i will be taking a hiatus from my blogs because of my trip to the midwest.

may peace prevail on earth and in me.

naomi sims...



naomi sims died on saturday (august 1st) at age 61 of cancer.

i remember when she was featured on the cover of Ladies Home Journal in 1968. in my mind, she was part of the vanguard for the "black is beautiful" movement. ms.

naomi sims was subsequently dubbed the first black supermodel and paved the way for naomi campbell and the legion of supermodels of color who followed.

may her missions be accomplished.

Monday, August 3, 2009

a reminder...



Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.
It isn't more complicated than that.
It is opening to or receiving the present moment,
pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is,
without either clinging to it or rejecting it.
Sylvia Boorstein

this is a repeat post ... but apropos to my current situation... returning to the place i grew up. a house filled with wispy, ghostlike memories drifting from corner to corner.

i must be mindful of keeping my balance.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

filial duty...



am preparing to go to oklahoma on wednesday to help pack up the home of the aunt that raised me. she is no longer able to live alone and has already moved to my sister's. G says, "the house looks like a rummage sale gone bad!" i laughed, but i'm afraid of what we will encounter.

this journey will be fraught with a myriad of emotional baggage: the stuff of growing up and the fear and/or alarm of mortality and sheer horror of someone's out of control living conditions. hopefully, seven years of therapy and many more years of self-help work will be sufficient to weather the ride.

snow dome???



sooooooo... in the posting "les nuages" i called it a snow dome? because that's what i "see". but i stand corrected. IT'S A SNOW GLOBE!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

aout 1...


sitting on the deck, baking in the sumer sun (finally), going through papers that date far back. interesting to read thoughts of my younger self; to see how i've changed and haven't.

may peace prevail on earth. this poor troubled planet.